Suteki Da Ne
by Nyx Raisa
Summary: Tidus/Yuna - two weary teens pushed into a world of which they do not belong...what happens? (crappy summary, i know)


A/n – I do not own these characters, squaresoft does (I think) nor do I own the song "dante's prayer" by loreena mckennitt which I borrowed a line from. 

During the pilgrimage

            Although the wind was sharp, feeling almost like ice cutting through her skin, Yuna distanced herself from her guardians and the warm, cheerful fire. She elected to sit near the mouth of the cave they had found for the night, staring up at the night sky and the brilliant stars. Until recently, admiring the night sky was something that always calmed her. Tonight, however, the stars seemed as cold as the night and as immortal as she would never be. Their distant light mocked her. They assured her that, while they would go on, she would be completely insignificant, no more important then millions of others who came before and would no doubt follow after. She knew how futile this pilgrimage was. Certainly the others knew as well, and it was her feigned strength that kept them going! Yes, her death would insure peace to Spira, but it wouldn't last. More summoners would have to follow in her footsteps. More would have to die! 

            She closed her eyes, fighting the wave of despair that threatened to overwhelm her. It was getting harder and harder each day to fight this. Her guardians – her friends – saw her as the eternal optimist, who awoke every day with a smile on her face and a reason to go on living. What they didn't know was most of it was a façade. No one saw this despairing, resentful Yuna. Granted, it was not always like that. She had been optimistic, and she had awakened every morning with hope and a reason to go on. But lately, her optimism was beginning to fail her. She was beginning to see the hopelessness of her situation. She was in a box. Almost every part of her resented this responsibility brought on her, and wanted to quit, yet still she knew she had no other choice but to go on and defeat Sin. Her life was her own to give; she was being forced to die for something she didn't even believe in!

            She opened her eyes and scrutinized the stars again. Stars that had seen summoners come and go, people born and killed, Sin conquered and Sin reborn. What was she in the light of all those eternal stars? Another summoner whose death would cause no more but a temporary lull in the cycle? The stars held no solace for her tonight. They seemed to be the cause of the chill, both internal and the icy wind ruffling her light brown hair. 

            She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, feeling almost as cold as the rock she was leaning against. Indeed, the fire was warm and cheerful, but she was not in the mood for company tonight. It was her needing the reassurances; she was in no position to be the comforter as usual. Everyone would look to her for the reasons to continue, and she would have none. She couldn't let them see her like this. 

            If only there was someone she could talk to, who understood what she was going through! Someone to reassure her when she needed it, and be her strength when she was too weak on her own. Thinking of these things, she looked through the fire at her guardians. Six of them, scattered comfortably around the fire, barely noticing she was gone. There was Sir Auron, the most cryptic of the group, even further away from the fire then her. She knew little about the man, but it was a great honor to be traveling with him. He had helped her father, and knowing that was a great comfort to her tortured mind. Next to him was her little cousin Rikku. Rikku, who was so young and innocent and naïve. She added light and childishness to her party. If not for her innocence, Yuna would have given up much earlier. Rikku didn't understand what would happen at the end of this pilgrimage either. Yuna felt as if she were lying to the girl, but what else could she do? It made her want to cry. 

Then Lulu. She was the serious one, who kept them on task. She was like the older sister Yuna never had. Lulu at least suspected what this pilgrimage would bring, and her quiet words forced Yuna to believe what she had to do. Next to Lulu was Wakka, who was completely and blindly devoted to this pilgrimage, even more then Yuna herself. He was such a deep believer in Yevon, it bordered on, well, fanaticism. Across the cave from Yuna was Kimahri, the guardian who had been with her the longest. He was strong, silent, and completely loyal. Although he spoke little, she knew he was there simply because she needed him. For that she was grateful. He knew what would happen to her as well, and yet he did all he could to keep her going. 

Last but not least, Tidus. Tidus was a mystery to her. He seemed open and cheerful, yet Yuna could tell he had his own internal demons, just as she had hers. Although in the beginning of this pilgrimage, it seemed as if he decided to be her guardian simply because he had nowhere else to go, now he appeared to be fully dedicated to it. However, he did not know what would happen to her when she summoned the Final Aeon. And she didn't want to tell him. He was as naïve as Rikku, it seemed. It was strange; sometimes as they would be walking, she would look over, and thing to herself how his presence there made everything a little easier. 

            As if he sensed her thinking about him, he met her eyes from across the cave, and through the dancing flames of the fire. His blue eyes met hers and it seemed as if he were telling her it was all right to feel despairing, even though he didn't know why. As if to reiterate this fact, he smiled at her. Although moments ago she felt as if her existence on this earth was pointless, a grain of sand among an endless beach, that smile brought back her optimism. She couldn't help but to smile back, perhaps only a small smile that was shaky at the corners, but nonetheless, it worked. She had to go on and finish her pilgrimage. Even if it meant the end of her life, it would give Spira peace and hope. It would be hard, but she could do it. If she had Tidus with her, until the end. She took a deep breath of the freezing air, and took one last look at the stars before she decided to settle in for the night. 

            When the dark night seems endless…"Please remember me."     

            Something was wrong with Yuna. Usually she was right with the group, talking and laughing with Rikku and Wakka and Tidus himself. Today, she seemed to prefer the biting wind and her own company to the warm companionship of the fire. Tidus couldn't help staring at her. He wanted to get up and ask her what was wrong. But he couldn't; he was scared. Tidus, who had seen his home destroyed to ruins, faced an unknown future, fought powerful fiends day in and day out, and knew one day he was going to fight and kill the most powerful being in this world, was too afraid to get up and talk to the girl he cared about. He almost had to laugh at himself. Manly Tidus, afraid of a girl. But Yuna wasn't just any girl. She wasn't like some blond ditzy groupie that hung around the blitzball stadium back in Zanarkand. He was practically a god to all of those girls, drooling over him like a piece of meat. At the time it had been one hell of an ego boost; it made him want to get up and start the day. After hearing his old man constantly refer to him as a baby, having all those girls love him made him feel better. Of course, now it shamed him now to think how proud he was to have been like that. There was a high to being loved by so many people…but looking back on it, it seemed like a pointless one. He wanted to be known for something more important then a sport. Once Yuna got to Zanarkand (something that made his head hurt. He was from Zanarkand, yet Zanarkand had been destroyed a thousand years ago) and summoned the Final Aeon, she would go down in history; as well as her guardians. This was something to be proud of. To be a companion to such a beautiful girl as Yuna was definitely something to be proud of. He wondered how those shallow girls he liked when he was the star of the Zanarkand Abes ever turned his head. Yuna was so much better then those girls….

            For one, she was heavens more beautiful then any blitzball groupie. She was quiet, polite, and strong. At times, like now, as she stared at the stars seemingly on the verge of tears (but perhaps the cold wind was merely the cause of them), he thought she didn't realize it. But if she wasn't strong, why was she the chosen one, leading them all to Zanarkand, and the summoning of the Final Aeon and the destruction of Sin? He wished he could tell her how strong she was; she didn't seem to realize it. 

Yet in the face of her strength, there was something about her that was childlike too, like a little girl playing dress-up in mommy's clothes. He couldn't explain it very well, even to himself, but it seemed as if a part of her was still hanging on to her youth, and resented the fact that she had been forced to grow up and take the fate of her world on her shoulders, even if it was her own choice. Tidus felt as if there were a few things about this pilgrimage he didn't know. What would happen when she summoned the Final Aeon? What exactly was Sin? And was this really Yuna's choice or was it all just predestined? He supposed these would get answered in time.  

            But then again, Tidus was still a pretty much a child himself. And he slightly resented this pilgrimage. Not to the point of giving up, just where sometimes he had to force himself out of bed every morning. The weight of the peace this pilgrimage would bring to the people of Spira kept him going. The companionship he shared with his fellow guardians and summoner helped as well.  These people had become his friends; he didn't want to see them hurt, to see them fall and die. But he swore to protect them, and Yuna, and he couldn't balk at his responsibility now. As his old man would probably say, "It's about time you learned about responsibility, boy!" 

            He looked through the fire at Yuna, and was surprised to see she was looking back at him. Her eyes seemed watery, whether from depression or wind, he was unsure. Without saying a single word, he told her as best he could with his eyes and his heart that he would not let her get hurt. He promised to keep her safe, and to forfeit his own life if it would save hers. Those thoughts and many, many more passed through his mind, and the moments their eyes were locked seemed like eternity. Then he smiled. Her eyes seemed to brighten a bit, and she smiled back, albeit a weak and trembling smile. Just the fact that she had strength to smile made him feel worlds better. After a moment, she looked away, back at the stars. He continued watching her as she made peace with whatever internal demons remained. She closed her eyes briefly as if she were praying, and even over the crackling of the fire, he heard her whispered plea. 

            "Please remember me…"

            He didn't know if those words were directed towards him, towards the sky, or just to herself in desperation, but he whispered a reply just the same. 

"I will." 

A/n – ok everyone, bear with me! This is my first fanfic ever! Is it awful? I've never done this before. I tried to keep everyone in character; I think I did okay. If I get horrible reviews (or none at all) and bad feedback, I probably wont add any more. But I do have plans for this, to be at least three chapters long. If I get good happy reviews, it'll be longer. So this is all on you guys! Please, tell me what you think! Be honest! 


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